Javelina GolfTales RJSmiley

German Sausage

Southwest Desert stories continue. Javelinas interrupted the German golfers patio party.

The foursome of German golfers relaxed on the patio of their timeshare condo drinking beer and smoking big cigars.  They had traveled from Germany all the way to Tucson to play Dove Mountain Golf Club, home of the Accenture Championship.  

Hans leaped from his chair, spilling his beer, shouting in English, with a heavy German accent, “vat ist dat damn schwein?”  The alpha female, javelina, just kept methodically advancing down the path along the edge of the patio.  The balance of the kraut foursome did their best impression of the Three Stooges as they scrambled for the sliding glass condo door.  Fritz grabbed his smart phone and got a great video as herd of about 20 various sized javelina paraded right past the patio.

Check out the video at this link.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNiUppS1Cog

Hans, Carl, Fritz and Inner had been playing golf together for years around their hometown of Frankfurt, Germany.  Each February for the past several winters the group had attempted to make the winter, when the German golf clubs are covered with snow and their golf clubs are in hibernation, shorter by watching the Accenture Match Play Championship from Dove Mountain in Marana, AZ.  The amazing performances of European Tour pros had kept them glued to their flat screens well after midnight while consuming a constant diet of heavy German lager and a variety of German sausages.

In 2011 the entire country of Germany mentally moved to the mountain side overlooking Tucson on for the week; Martin Kaymer, Germany’s golden boy, could become the world’s #1 ranked player with a win at the Accenture.  As Kaymer advanced through each match, more and more German’s stayed up late following the tension filled action.  On Sunday, Martin came up short in his bid to become #1, losing to Luke Donald 3&2.  

The disappointed foursome was devastated; no one spoke for a few minutes.  Then Inner said, “I vould love to play dat course and see iff et is as hard as dey say et is.  Maybe ve shoud go to Tucson and play dat golf course.”

“Ve could not get on dat course,” the blurry-eyed Fritz shouted.  “Dat place haas to be berry private.  Dey don’t let hacks like us on et.”

On a Saturday a few weeks later, Carl scheduled lunch at their favorite pub.  Over several lagers and German sausage, Carl laid out the plan he had put together about a possible trip to the Sonoran Desert.  “Ve can play de Accenture Course at de Ritz Carlton, et is open to the public.  De green fees are expensive but not krazy, but de cost of lodging at the Ritz vill kill us.  I vas talking to my cousin who owns a time share and she told me dat if ve vould pay de fees she vould attempt to trade it to Tucson.”  

Eleven months later the Kraut foursome made the trip of a lifetime.

Two days after the first encounter with the pigs, following a round at the Gallery Golf Club’s South Course, home of the Accenture Championship for the first two years, our group of globe trotting Germans was eager for the return of the “wild pigs of the desert.”  But they were not ready for the invasion of the herd!  As the skies were turning from orange to pinkish grey, the herd returned.  Only this time they wanted to enter the condo and share the lager and German sausage.  

As the saber-toothed pigs pushed at the screen door with their long snouts, Inner stated with a snicker, “Iff ve brewed our own lager ve could slaughter dose ugly pigs and make our own sausage.  Dat vay ve vould never need to go to de market for food; ve could spend all our money on green fees!”    

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