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Do Canada Geese Eat Golf Balls?

If a goose ate a golf ball, would it pass through his system? That is the question in story for today.

I recently heard this story from a golfer who swears the story is true.  Believe it or not!  You be the judge?

Every Tuesday a group of retired senior golfers travel to a predetermined golf course to enjoy the too brief Wisconsin summer.  The golf course chosen for this week’s outing was a 50 mile drive into the heart of resort country where observing Mother Nature’s treasures was in most cases better than the golf.

After the line shortened at the very necessary bathroom, the group had drawn cards, as was the custom, to see who would play with who in today’s match.  Each member of the group refilled his coffee cup (because it was free) and loaded their carts.  As they stepped off their carts they noticed the indisputable evidence of Canadian Geese almost everywhere.  “Watch your step boys,” he starter said, “Those bastards have really multiplied in the past few years.  The maintenance crew and cart boys have a hard time keeping our equipment poop-free.”

Dr. Heavy Hands, the retired chiropractor, was off to a great start, three pars and a bogie in the first four holes.  As the foursome stood on the tee of the, out-of-a-brochure beautiful, par 5 fifth, Dr. HH remarked that the fairway looked like the runway at the  Hong Kong airport, a sliver of land with water on both sides.  But in Hong Kong the runway is not covered by those invaders from north of the border.  

Dr. HH had the honor and was feeling great about his game.  He confidently pulled the head cover off his new white-headed driver, the one the pro at Golf Galaxy said fit him perfectly with his strong hands. After two mighty practice swings, Dr. HH split the fairway; but the Canadian Geese didn’t even flinch.  “Great shot, you have a chance of getting home from there Doc,” his partner smiled, they were already 2-up and pressed.

It took a while for the group to get to where Dr. HH had hit his ball.  The other three tee shots all found the water.  Three ball-retrievers were used to fill the ball pockets on their golf bags. 

As our group drove their golf carts up the fairway to where Dr. HH ball should have been the geese scattered to either side of the fairway but there was no ball to be found.  The more they looked the more goose poop they encountered.  Now the following foursome was on the tee making catcalls about slow play to the lead group.  Finally Dr. HH proceeded to the edge of the water, took his drop, still bitching about the penalty stroke, and struck his approach toward the green.  “Those damn geese must have done something with my ball,” he kept saying.  “That should not have been a penalty.  Isn’t there something in the rules about outside influence on your ball?”

Curley, on the other team said, “yes, there is a rule but there has to be proof that something had an influence on your ball.  It could have hit a sprinkler head and bounced into the hazard.”

With Dr. HH still bitching and his greatest round now down the drain, our group of golf nomads proceeded down the eighth fairway.  As the geese parted they noticed something very strange.  There in the middle of the fairway were three strange looking purple colored golf balls lined up perfectly.  “What is that?” Dr. HH’s playing partner said with a puzzled look on his face.

As the second cart approached Dr. HH shouted, “I told you guys, those damn geese did something with my golf ball back on number five.  Look, they must have eaten my golf ball and now they have pooped it out.  I should have never taken a penalty.  It should have been a free drop.”

Curley who was driving the second cart commented with a wry smile on his face, “if you can identify your ball in all that goose shit we will give you a 5 and not a 6 on the fifth hole.” 

Dr. HH retorted, “I am not touching those balls!  I am not saying that that is my ball!  I am just saying that this is proof that they do eat golf balls and I should have had a free drop.”

To this day the debate continues.  Do geese eat golf balls?  Should Dr. HH have gotten a free drop?

What do you think?           

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